The Epic History!

Magik Legz is a phenomenom surrounded by legend. From their first ever jamming session in the front room of the now mythical house of the Becker Brothers, which is rumoured to have been on the lost continent of Atlantis, to the encounter on Mount Sinai in blinding white light where the band were said to have talked to Moses, Freddie Mercury and Lt. Dan, every chapter of it's history is filled with mystery, danger, adventure, fate, and a driving passion to acheive the ultimate rock band.

Throughout my career as an historian, it has been my sole objective to round up these scraps of legend from across the world and throughout history and put the pieces together to get an idea of the Truth about the greatest band ever.

It is indeed sad that the founder member of the band, David Graham Davidson, has never shown his true face to the public, choosing instead to wear a Goofy mask. The generally accepted thoery is that he is hideously deformed, a freak of nature, confirmed to some extent by his seeming inability to do any sort of excersise, and his infatuation with wrestlers, notably The Rock. Born in the remote Scottish Highlands, Davidson's musical genius was developed on an instrument he crafted from his sporran and bits of haggis, approximately aged 5. Around the age of 15 he acquired his first proper guitar and soon surpassed the extreme talents of Slash, of whom he had a pirated video. From his single GnR video he learnt much about the outside world, and he dreamt of forming the ultimate rock band. When he finally reached manhood, he found his way down through England and into Europe, where it is believed he joined a travelling circus for a while under the name Sideshow Dave. When the circus reached West Berlin he attempted to cross into the USSR, but was caught trying to scale the Berlin Wall. Exiled to Siberia, he was to spend the next three years of his life in solitary confinement.

William Edward Becker spent the formative years of his life in a Polish Orphanage. Undernourished and severely repressed, documentation shows that he was clinically insane by the age of three, believing he was a dog and refusing to communicate except with the words Hoof, Mer and Woo, and making strange snuffling and yelping noises. It has long been proposed that this was nothing more than a brilliant act of a young but cunning mind to get him out of the orphanage even though it got him sent to a home for the mentally disturbed outside Stalingrad. Here he must have suffered from indescribable boredom until a kindly cleaner lent him his old banjo. Becker amazed everyone by almost instantly being able to play various Oasis and Radiohead songs, despite the fact that he had never before even heard any music. Because of his incredible talent he was released from the mental institute and grafted into the Soviet People's Banjo Quartet, and travelled the world playing before important Soviet leaders including Stalin and Gorbachev

It is hard not to believe in fate when the worlds two greatest guitar players meet as the sole survivors of a head-on train collision. But exactly that happenned when a mix-up on the Trans-Siberian Railway meant that the train carrying the Soviet Peoples Banjo Quartet and a train containing deported political prisoners collided, on the day of the feast of St Ivan, patron saint of electric guitars. Davidson and Becker found themselves lying metres apart, inexplicably saved from death or any sort of injury. Local stories describe how the pair were led deep into an immense forest by the Angel Gabriel, who spoke to them of their destiny, and presented Becker with the Sword Excalibur so that they should always be protected.

With Excalibur in his hands, Becker hewed down an ancient tree, and fashioned two electric guitars, the very same which are now preserved in the National Art Gallery. It is believed that here Gabriel also revealed to Becker a vision of his long lost elder brother, and how he would become the third member of The Band. Following a bright star in the east, the two set off in an Illinois State Police Department 1972 Dodge squad car across th wastes of Siberia and the Himilayas. It is said that where they stopped and played, wild animals would come and sit around the campfire to listen.

Legend tells that one night while they drove deep in the Tibetan Himilayas, the bright star disappeared, and Davidson and Becker were lost. It must have seemed that they were doomed until Davidson's trained ear picked up, of all things, a funkedelic bass riff coming from high up the tallest mountain. Following the source of the sound, they eventually came upon a small cave, wherein sat a hermit, thrashing out meaty chunks of phat bass licks on a mysteriously acquired left-hander CMI, the amp apparently powered by an ingenious method of combusting yak's dung.